Have you ever felt trapped inside your own negativity, where you’ll never look or feel good enough? You’re not alone. One in five adults feel ashamed of their body, with 19% of people feeling disgusted by their appearance. I want you to know that it doesn’t always have to feel like that. I have wasted so much of my life trying to change the one thing that is completely unique to me. Who was I trying to prove myself to?
What is disordered eating?
It is estimated that over 1 million people in the UK are living with or suffering from an eating disorder. That doesn’t even take into account people who are affected by disordered eating, and most people who are affected, don’t even realise it. But, what is disordered eating?
Disordered eating can be characterised in many ways. Calorie counting. Eliminating food groups. Intermittent fasting. Yo-yo dieting. Meal replacement shakes. Diet pills. Detox teas. The list goes on. Most people who show these behaviours are often trying to change their body, whether it’s to lose weight or become leaner. You may have even tried some of these ‘methods’ yourself. It’s important to know that this is not a healthy approach to food, despite what the diet industry pushes us to believe. A healthy approach to food coincides with a healthy body image. It’s difficult to have one without the other, as societal ideals have taught us that if we can control our food and exercise, we can have ‘the perfect body’. So, how can we find a healthy approach to food?
Disordered eating and me
As a child, I convinced myself that I didn’t fit into the world’s idea of ‘pretty’. At the age of 8, I was bullied for being chubbier than my peers. From that point onwards, I always saw myself as being bigger than I actually was. It was a constant battle. I loved food. Yet, I persistently tried to restrict myself with the aim of being thin. I would be happier if I were thinner. My eating habits fell into the dangerous cycle of restriction and binge eating. Restrict and binge. For 14 years.
I’m forever grateful that I grew up before the true explosion of Instagram. A recent survey found that images on social media were reported as being the most influential factor in how under 18s feel about their appearance. During my childhood and adolescence, media portrayals of the ideal body came from magazines and TV shows. You could take a break from it. Your favourite magazine would only be published once a month. There was no Netflix to binge-watch. But I never saw myself represented in the models or the actresses that I watched or read about. My body (or the body that I thought I had) wasn’t worthy enough to make it to Hollywood. This is still a problem, with 38% of under-18s feeling underrepresented in the media and advertising.
It wasn’t until I turned 22 that I realised I had disordered eating habits. For many years, I felt like I was strange for having such a poor relationship with food and my body. I knew it wasn’t severe enough to be classed as an eating disorder so I just assumed I was the odd person out.
Two things happened, coincidentally yet simultaneously, which helped me to find a healthy approach to food. Firstly, I became truly fed up. Fed up with hating my body. Fed up with finding food choices incredibly stressful. What’s the healthiest thing to eat for dinner? Should I eat out with my friends this week when I’ve been so good until now? Secondly, my friends saw my pain, and introduced me to the body positivity community. Turns out, an entire movement had been happening online, I’d just been looking at the wrong content. Women and men of all shapes and sizes were celebrating their bodies.
How you can step away from disordered eating habits
Having never received support for my disordered eating, and feeling very much alone in my struggles, I knew I wanted to help others who were experiencing the same thing. I started writing about my experiences on my blog, Take a Paws, and I enrolled myself onto a counselling course. I want to provide people struggling with their body image the support that I never received.
It’s been a long journey for me and I want to leave you with some practical tasks, if you’re ready to start your diet-free life and work towards a healthy relationship with food.
Let go of the ideal body. It’s difficult at first as we’ve been conditioned to internalise that beauty is defined by a narrow set of standards. It helps to have a social media detox, firstly by unfollowing anyone who promotes diet culture, and secondly by stepping away from social media from time to time. Whilst you’re at it, detox your wardrobe too (P.S. Kate can help with this!). Remove any pieces that no longer fit your current body shape and stop buying clothes with the intention to lose weight in order to fit into them.
Release control over food. Eat whatever you want, whenever you want. You’ll eat more at first, this is a natural reaction to restriction. But eventually, your body will rebalance itself and you’ll learn which foods you actually like. Listen to your body. Allow it to eat when it’s hungry. Acknowledge how you feel after different foods.
Embrace the idea of counselling. Many people believe that you have to hit rock bottom before you can receive help. Tackling your negative core beliefs early is the best way to prevent worsening disordered eating habits. When we let go of the idea that our body shape matters is when we can begin to heal our relationships with food.
Charlotte Smith is a blogger and counsellor in training living in Warwickshire. Her website, Take a Paws, promotes positive mental well-being and talks about the real life challenges of living with disordered eating.
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