As a therapist as well as personal stylist, I work across both professions with clients focusing on behaviour habits. In therapy, this can take on a person-centred approach, listening to the client - looking at habits or behaviours that have served them before, and how it makes or has made them feel. We can look at past or present events. We can focus on the thoughts and feelings and if needed, challenge and look at changing outlooks or behaviours.
The strategies that we can use in the therapy room can be applied to our approach when shopping. One of the models I use when looking at behaviours and strategies to maybe change those is the ABC model.
What is the ABC Model?
A - Action. The action taken.
B - Behaviour. The behaviour taken.
C - Consequence. What results from the behaviour taken? This can be a positive or negative experience and can be used to reinforce behaviour.
So why is this plan effective?
It's a great model for self-awareness first and foremost. It can help us engage in unwanted behaviour if we know what the consequence will be. Not only can it deter us from negativity, it can also prompt us into looking at new ways of thinking and how subtle changes and new habits can make a big difference.
Any habit is formed through three key elements.
1. There's a Cue
2. A Behaviour
3. And a result.
This can be traced back to our ancestors. Let's look at something simple that they would have put into play:
The cue: "I'm hungry."
The Behaviour / Thought: "I'm going to eat."
The Result: "I feel satisfied. I'm full."
Now the next time we're hungry we will know what we ate, how it made us feel (it can be a positive reinforcement) and what to eat next time when we're hungry again.
Positive and negative reinforcements are all based on memory collecting. For instance: " Oh, I ate at that restaurant, I had the steak, it was so nice, I'll know to eat there again." A negative reinforcement would highlight a disappointing or bad experience we had. "My steak was overdone, the service was bad, I won't eat there again." We will avoid that place as we won't want to experience that feeling again in the future.
So let's apply this to shopping and in particular shopping habits.
This one I hear a lot:
"I'm going to shop online." ( Your Action / Cue)
"I NEED to buy something because I need something to wear, but it feels overwhelming and I don't know what I'm looking for, but I will still buy something." (Behaviour / Trigger)
"I don't like the item. It didn't look how it did online. It doesn't suit me. I'm the problem." (Consequence)
Or when we shop on the high street.
"I'm going to go into a fashion store to try on clothes." ( Action / Cue )
"I don't like what I'm trying on or wearing." ( Behaviour )
"This feels overwhelming. I don't know what I'm looking at." ( Behaviour )
" I can't shop. I don't know how to shop. Clothes don't suit me and my body."
( Consequence)
The habit loop
We can then go into a habit loop because we're not consciously looking at an alternative habit or behaviour thought. So next time we go shopping we will shop online, already subconsciously knowing how it will make us feel.
Positive Reinforcement - Reward-based learning.
We love reward. Reward based learning has huge positive connotations and it can give us our dopamine hit. If we have some reward from that behaviour we are going to do it.
Tip:
Next time you are planning to go shopping, whether that be in store or online, ask yourself these two questions?
1. What is the bigger better offer?
2. How can I improve this situation?
Firstly, take a look at your shopping habits.
What time of day do you shop? When do you shop?
In the evening? (When you're tired after a full day and with a full head, I imagine)?
Online?
When you're bored?
At the weekend?
When it's busy?
When you're in a rush?
When I was on maternity leave, I started getting into the bad habit of online shopping during the night feeds. I soon stopped because I knew I was starting to form a bad habit. Tired? Shopping in the middle of the night? I knew I was shopping to fulfil a feeling and not a need, and that soon stopped!
When it comes to shopping for clients, I know I can shop and style because it's what I'm good at. I feel confident. However, it's a skill I've mastered and I apply to my own habits when I'm out shopping for myself.
My reward base is finding clothes I truly like that work in my wardrobe, different ways. And by doing this, I've brought self-awareness into the mix. I pay attention and bring awareness in.
It's also important to note that with clothes we can feel satisfied temporarily by reward - and the big factor here is price.
We can get a dopamine hit, feel positive and satisfied when we've purely been driven by the price of an item. When the dopamine rush subsides, we realise we have another piece in our wardrobe that we're not hugely keen on and at that moment, we were only lead by the price or 'good offer' of something.
So let's take this as an example:
"I need to go shopping for clothes." (Action)
"I'm going to go when it's quiet, first thing in the morning."
A positive prediction that it will be a more enjoyable experience (Behaviour)
"I'm going to wear my headphones so my dopamine levels are up listening to my favourite music." (Behaviour)
"I'm going to go in with a plan of what I need and not want." (Behaviour)
"If I don't like what I see, have I got an idea of what I now actually need? (Behaviour)
"If something doesn't fit or I can't find what I'm looking for, I've still enjoyed a quiet experience shopping. I am not the problem." ( Consequence)
"That felt like a nice experience. It was better because I wasn't in a rush and looking online in a panic." ( Consequence )
Because this has been a positive reinforcement, you will remember how it made you feel. Now the trick is to form these new positive shopping habits based on this experience.
Changing your relationship to shopping can happen. Forming new habits that work for you, and being mindful and aware can switch the behaviour towards shopping.
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