Outdoor dining is back open (yes every stylist I've spoken to also hates trying to find something to wear for outdoor socialising so you'e not alone!) The high street has also reopened and we can FINALLY get our roots and nails done. Hallelujah! But with our world feeling bigger again, so can our feelings of anxiety. The sun is shining, the days are getting longer but some might be asking: 'Why am I feeling anxious?'
Those that have been used to working from home may feel daunted about having to go back to the office. Perhaps it's the commute that fills you with dread or speaking to colleagues again face to face. Maybe the invitations from friends are starting to come in and you're feeling nervous about socialising with people again. (Remember it's perfectly ok to say no).
"There is understandable concern about the impact of the pandemic on people’s well-being. Our figures show that the equivalent of 19 million adults in Great Britain report high levels of anxiety.''
Office for National Statistics, UK.
As a therapist in training and having done a lot of self discovery recently; I've realised I've always been very much a people pleaser. Even if I don't want to go somewhere, I'll go for fear of letting the other person down. If lockdown has taught me one thing, it's to enjoy the down time. If I'm honest, I'm not in a huge rush for my social diary to be 'busy busy.' I liked the pace of lockdown life. It made me refocus and prioritise. If you're suffering from a lack of confidence or if you're feeling anxious - just know that you're not alone. Here are my top tips for improving your state of mind and building confidence.
Self care
(Reduce anxiety)
Let's start with the basics. Self care is so important. I used to think having a bath for two hours on a Thursday night was enough for me - but I've also. realised I need short periods throughout my week where I just need to be on my own. The important thing to remember is to be completely unapologetic for your self care. It reduces burn out, decreases anxiety and allows you to have the space you need
and deserve. Why do so many women enjoy having their nails and hair done? For me as I'm sure with so many others, it's about having that time away; it's a chance for you to do something that will boost endorphin levels and make you feel that little bit sassy. For me, I absolutely love getting my nails done. It's the whole experience. Putting my headphones in for the journey, listening to my favourite music; ordering my almond latte and not thinking about anything else other than what colour I'll still love in 4 weeks time? It's the sheer indulgence of it that I love. Nails Bab, a nail bar in Birmingham's Jewellery Quarter is so nostalgic I almost didn't want to leave when I visited for the first time last week. But it wasn't just the 90's aesthetic and personal touches, that you find in many small businesses (their amazing hand scrub is amazing,) that had me in awe - it was the feeling of warmness from the other women that welcomes you as soon as you walk through the door. Owner and founder Rosie told Style by Kate:
''It's so important for clients to feel uplifted as soon as they walk through the doors, for some people, beauty treatments are the only 'me time' in the month they get so we believe everyone deserves to feel good. Nails Bab is super warm and welcoming. We're passionate about what we do and that's why we're good at it. It's not just a job to pay bills, we want each client to feel special and leave with a mani they love.'' - Rosie Iynall. Owner of Nails Bab.
The important thing with self care is it has to align with what you want to do. So if sitting still for hours being pampered isn't your jam it then do something that you genuinely love doing. Remember it's your chance to press pause and reset.
Confidence Dressing
(Builds confidence)
With the high streets reopening it may have many of us looking at our existing wardrobe and feel like we have nothing to wear. Social media can have us thinking that we're 'getting style all wrong.' That we're not stylish enough and we're not up to date. It can feel so overwhelming for so many of us. Style is all about feeling confident in what we wear. However, creating fuss free options that will always work will reduce the feeling of anxiety or as we call it 'decision fatigue' (See previous blog on how your wardrobe can inspire you for 2021.) So often our frustrations can build up when it comes to opening our wardrobe and we feel uninspired. Looking and feeling your best in what you wear will boost your mood and in turn your confidence. For more advice on how to get the best from your wardrobe book a chat with me and we can see what we can do about boosting those sass levels.
Take away the noise.
(Reduce anxiety.)
Life sure can get noisy. From social media's algorithms to friendships, sometimes
your own thoughts and what you really want can feel drowned out. Just half an hour to forty five minutes to unplug from the world can do your mental health the world of good. Perhaps use the time to develop your mindfulness techniques, or listen to a genre of music that will help you relax.. Radio One have launched a relax programme which is available on BBC Sounds throughout the day. A show designed to help relax the mind, the programme promises to deliver tips and interviews about relaxing the mind as well as music that will help their listeners unwind.
Switching off the noise doesn't mean you have to take a walk and listen to the birds. Why not take the time to listen to a podcast or audible? For me, I love taking the time to manifest. My go to podcast that really boosts my mood is Francesca Amber's 'Law of Attraction changed my life,' podcast. If you love the law of attraction, then you'll love Francesca. She's a down to earth mother of three who provides her listeners techniques and tips about manifesting what you want. And she's had over ten years practising the law of attraction with incredible results. It's like having a chat with a friend who just wants to see you achieve your full potential. Click on the link to listen to the latest episode. https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/law-of-attraction-changed-my-life/id1517137653
Focus on what you're good at
(Builds confidence & reduces anxiety)
We often want to focus on our weakness when we want to self improve. It can often feel easier to chip away at ourselves than to look at what we are good at. Comparing ourselves to others can come too easily. In order for our confidence to
build we need to change our mindset towards ourselves. What do you enjoy that makes you lose track of time? (Social media doesn't count.) Once you start identifying the things that deliver this then make a promise to yourself that you'll make the time for it. Stepping out of a comfort zone and finding people with similar interests is a great way to build confidence,
Spend time with people that lift you up
(builds confidence)
Life is too short to spend time on people who don't believe in you. If you have friends that make you doubt your own worth and affect your confidence levels then maybe it's time to surround yourself with people who do genuinely believe in you
and your abilities. Sometimes the best way to find like minded people is to be with individuals who share a common interest with you. You're more likely to be yourself in their company as you're doing something you enjoy at the time. It may be a place where you can let your creativity show or an exercise class; speaking to new people whilst you're endorphins are raised will help conversation flow more naturally. For me, I love the friendships I made through my weekly dance class: Dancing in heels. I was looking for a new exercise class to do after the birth of my second child but I didn't feel like hitting the gym. This class was recommended to me by a friend who joined the commercial class a few days prior. 'Kate you'll love it.' And boy do I love it. We laugh throughout the entire routine, we cheer each other on when we do our warm up strut in our heels and on occasion we grab a cocktail together after class. This was just the kind of support group I needed. It felt I could let my inhibitions go without judgement. (I'm basically reliving my days of dancing in a club in my 20's through exercise) Creative Director (and friend ) Ashlynn Brennan created FABGRL so women could have a space to unapologetically realise their true confidence without judgment or fear:
'FABGRL is a place that helps women empower their bodies through sassy moves that makes them feel totally fabulous. No matter your age, experience or background - we make sure dance is for everyone.' - Ashlynn Brennan , founder of FABGRL
You can join in with the sass weekly at Moseley Dance Centre, Birmingham. Plus your first class is free! For further info follow @fabgrlstudio on Instagram,.
Take that break and choose wisely
(reduce anxiety)
For many, we can be subject to falling down that social media black hole. We compare, we scroll, we look at stories of complete strangers, making assumptions of what their life must be without knowing them at all. If you feel like Instagram fuels your comparison gauge then turn that thing down. For example I follow a lot of accounts to do with nature. The images bring with them a sense of calmness. (Plus you can't compare yourself to a landscape or an animal.)n I love following photography accounts. Seeing their creative talent radiate through an image seeps into me. It's like I can feel their passion. And don't forget the mute button! That my friend, is a godsend.
Ultimately it's important to remind yourself that nobody is immune to feelings of anxiety and depression. It's vital to acknowledge if you're ever feeling this way and talk to someone if you can.
Did you know that counselling still isn't regulated? This means that anyone can say they are a therapist without even having qualified. If therpay is something you'd wish to explore then going through the BACP - it's the ethical body for counsellors and it's a great place to start. You can search their directory to find a counsellor who is qualified to deal with the subject matter you wish to talk about:
https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
APPS TO HELP REDUCE ANXIETY:
ACTION FOR HAPPINESS - Boost your happiness and create a kinder world with daily action ideas designed to help you support your own mental health and wellbeing.
CALM - This award winning app is the #1 app for sleep, meditation and relaxation. It's been proven to better sleep, lower stress and reduce anxiety. The app features guided meditations, sleep stories, breathing programmes as well as relaxing music (which is a personal favourite of mine.)
CLEAR FEAR - Developed by a clinician co-collaboraively with young people, Clear Fear uses a Cognitive Behavioural framework to help you change anxious thoughts and emotions, alter anxious behaviours and calm fear responses. Great for those support young people age 11-19.
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